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Only in my apartment though, alone.Never at work or in public or somewhere, somehow in some obscene way.Even then, alone, I was reading magazines, watching TV. I kept up onthe daily reports and stay focused on the things I needed to getdone. But, still, sometimes, little moments would hit me. Like,watching TV, I'd realize what it meant, sitting there, doing my nailsbefore the next morning's meeting. Or frying a hamburger, I'd lookdown and see the shape of my breasts, the poke of my nipple, bra-lessin my t-shirt. I was gaining some semblance of control and understanding of thisbody. But I was continually experiencing new things that wereshaping myself as a person.It was exactly 5 weeks after the injection that I had my firstmenstrual period. That's not an ordinary experience, for any 30something year old woman.We had been in production and I complained to one of the directorshow crummy I felt. He asked if I wanted some water.Later, in a writers' meeting, I held my tummy and. He brought eight friends, I'm guessing. I had to guess because we had agreed that I would wear a blindfold. Seeing as how all this had already taken place in lurid and graphic detail in my imagination, I figured that it might be easiest if I was to remove myself from the reality of it all, just a little. After all, all I really wanted to do was to try it and, if I didn't like it, then there would be no recriminations, no hard feelings.If I didn't like it? I fucking loved it! I took the cheapest room, posting the room number in a private message online. I took a quick shower and passed the time surfing porn, wearing only a towel. I left the door unlocked, as agreed, opened the bottle of wine I had brought and settled down to wait. He was late, only by a few minutes but it was enough for me to almost loose my nerve. When he did actually knock on the door, I almost jumped out of my skin. My heart was still pounding in my throat as he walked into the room and introduced himself. Scarcely.
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