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"I question, "Why not?"Masha laughs, "Tatiana, you are worse than I am when you are in love. You have thrown all logic out with the baby's bathwater. When did Ben have time to order flowers for you?"I looked at her and realized she was correct then I worried, "Masha should I open this?"Masha replied...I quelled Tatiana's fears, "Tatiana, someone has been sending you terrible packages." Then I informed her about the fecal dog matter bomb and added, "I did have this one x-rayed and it is really flowers."Tatiana opened the box and swore...I carefully opened the box of flowers but it was full of dead roses and a big note which said, 'From Ben's real girlfriend! Leave him alone or you will be as dead as these flowers."I swore, "Tвойу мат!"Masha looked in the box, read the note and stated, "Tatiana, my Jack has assured me that Ben has no girlfriend in America or any other country. Someone is playing a cruel joke on you."I looked at Masha and asked, "How would you recommend I react to this. I thought I had died and arrived in butch heaven. Doug also had the habit of continuously groping his package.“Jesus, Doug, leave that ugly thing of yours alone for a fucking minute,” Ken eventually said.“Jeez, pop, give me a break already,” Doug replied with a snigger.My hand ached as I watched this display, wishing that I could help Doug out.After forty minutes of ‘torture,’ my ordeal finally ended when we all moved next door and rinsed off under the shower.When Dixon and I arrived in his bedroom, a new dilemma unfolded. He insisted that I sleep in his bed with him in a sleeping bag on the floor.“I can’t do that,” I protested, “This is your bed.”“You’re the guest,” he insisted, before resuming, “And as this is my room, I call the shots.”Defeated, I lay in his bed as instructed. The smell of the linen was heavenly as I made myself comfortable and without much further ado, I was soon sound asleep.Unbenownst to me, with farmers, the activity in the household got going by six o’clock.
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