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Can’t blame her. It’s a lot to process.Watching and not doing was killing me. I had to try it. A friend on Xhamster suggested “Squirt.org” it’s a dating site for gay and Bi males.Why not? Made a profile, downloaded a pic of me. Said I was a bottom and a gay virgin and waited to see who’d bite. It was liberating receiving “chat requests”, seeing dick picks of the guys I liked and I started chatting to two guys with really beautiful dicks. Made it pretty clear in the chat I was after a mouthful of cum. Probably made me pretty popular.Problem was meeting without my wife knowing. Answer was to meet at my work. As luck would have it, I went into the office during lockdown and had the place to my self.Bit the bullet and messaged the two guys I was free in the office. First to reply wins a blow job. My friend, Disfun, responded first and said he was 20 minutes away. No going back now.Looking back I think he was a lot more nervous than me. He was frantically banging in the locked factory. Of course I made sure she had the best medical care and paid for her stay at the Redwood, but emotionally I was unable or unwilling to muster the courage to do all the things her therapist recommended. For awhile I could hardly stand to be in the same room with her for any length of time. Had I not witnessed her self-destructive meltdown that Sunday morning – my wife dressed like a hooker, and heard the phone calls from her co-workers, and seen the drugs, I might have been able to join her, as she requested, for those months of therapy. But those images were burned into my brain and the hurt I had suffered while she caused our marriage to disintegrate meant that for a long time I couldn't face her. Her betrayal was certainly the abandonment I had subconsciously feared all these years since she threw me over for what I considered a frivolous quest in high school.During the time of Sarah's destructive behavior I became a hard man, or I should say returned to being a hard man. My.
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