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Not only was I disgusted with myself, I was angry. I wanted to hurt myself. Do something to punish myself for doing what I'd done. But I couldn't. Who would take care of little Alexei if I did something to hurt myself? No, I couldn't do that. Standing by my bed, naked, except for my high heels, I had never felt so all alone. It was like I was the only woman in the world. The only woman who didn't have someone to love her. I ached inside. Stepping across my room, I stopped by the window and slowly pulled the curtains back. The dark, dreary night outside fit the mood of my heart. The drizzle gave everything a fuzzy, misty look. The streetlights were like guardian angels hovering above the streets, their heads encased in glowing halos as they cast their muted light on the glistening streets below.It looked so dark and lonely. Just like my heart. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw something move. Looking over at it, I saw that it was a couple coming down the wet, glistening. Now she thinks she'sheard all my jokes, wears pants unless we're going to a wedding, and hasdisappeared off my radar screen on sex.What happened? Who knows? But it's all too common. Women get comfortableand think they don't need to look out for their man's needs. He's expectedto give without taking.I thought about having an affair, but that's a lot of trouble and I don'tlike boiled bunny. The relationship ends up the same as a married one aftera while anyway. I thought about raising sheep, but we live in the city.What I ended up doing was spending too much time on the Internet,especially Yahoo groups, looking at incredible pictures of things I wouldnever do.Gloom.Then one day, I caught a break. I lost my wallet and I ended up with allthe sex I could handle for life.That was a big leap; so let me tell you the story step-by- step,inch-by-inch. [Did someone say Niagara Falls?]One way I got rid of my frustrations was to work out a lot. I would oftengo home for dinner with Carol; then go.
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