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Especially as it complicates certain aspects of my relationship with Darci, like sex, for example. There have been times where it is not her I think of and it is not her name that I wish to call out. This has caused me to become more careful during our love making, and I have grown increasingly anxious when all I desperately want to do is let go and enjoy myself. I keep going back and forth with the thinking that I should let him go somehow and give my all to Darci. It is what she deserves given everything that she has done for me, after all. But in truth, I do not want to. I want to have him in my life, even if it is in small patches now. I still can not find a reasoning for why I feel this way and at times, it is maddening. I feel like there is a constant war being waged inside me and no matter what I do, I always lose. My mind and body are putting so much effort into someone who does not care for me when I have someone here who does, right now. I should be ceasing the moment with. I knew she was pretty wild when we first met, it was one of the things I found so attractive about her. Then there was her great beauty and the fact that she seemed to like me. I still find it hard to believe we ended up together to tell the truth. But I love her very much and don’t want to lose her. I’m confident she feels the same. The problem is that after ten years we have a pretty vanilla sex life.”“No, you have a vanilla sex life, Barry, not me,” Scotia said her voice filled with scorn.“Yeah ... well that’s neither here nor there. What I’m getting at is she’s got a kinky side. For example, our wedding night...”“You’re not rehashing that again are you, Barry?”“He should hear this, Scotia.”“Oh go on, get it off your chest if you must. Mark this is all ancient history,” Scotia said.“I don’t think I need to tell you how beautiful she was that night. She’s still as beautiful as ever,” Borelli paused as he looked at her, and then continued. “By the time the reception was over I was.
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