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30 before I finally got into the shower and 11.00 before I was downfor breakfast, dressed in a silk leopard print oversized jacket andtrousers with matching black mules. My hair was wet but loosely styledinto the long bob style I had been given at the salon."I forgot to tell you last night," said Anne, "but I got you anappointment at the newspaper on Monday morning, just before lunch!" Wow, that was quick!" Well, its a weekly, so the later in the week it gets, the more stressedthey are, actually, they seemed quite happy to make an appointment foryou!" Did you tell them what it was about?" I said, crunching a piece oftoast."No, I just said you wanted to talk about some photographs!" They probably think I want them to take some of me!" I said."Oh, shall I phone them and tell them what you really want. Then?" No, they'll find out soon enough!"The weekend passed slowly. I rested up and spent some time on the roofterrace topping up my tan, although I had to keep my new breasts. I did not eat last night and will only drink water today. I have some anti-nausea pills and will take my percs and ecstasy at around 5pm. I spent the day looking at videos of my wife and going over my plans. The day whirls past as if to spare me time to come to my senses. I fully admit that my mind is warped and the darkness of my wife’s death has blurred all manner of reality. If during the process, I feel even the hint of backing out, I will have to remind myself that there is no other way. As I swallow my pills, I feel so at ease and committed to this unspeakable plan. I can feel the percs taking hold and the ecstasy gives me the euphoric false courage that I will need to end my life. I walk up the stairs to the Death Room and my penis is fully erect. It is unbelievable that at the moment of death, the body strives to fulfill it’s one true reason for being, that is to create life. I will not be creating life at all, but will be taking one in a truly horrible yet erotic and.
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