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I wanted sex. My entire body yearned for it, for her. I was still achingly erect. But more than that, I wanted to be with her. If Violet was only offering herself for long as we were in this house, I didn’t think I could stand it. And I didn’t know if she was ready for anything more, or even if that would be the best thing for her.The abuse we had experienced in childhood had made both of us magicians of denial. Distraction and avoiding the big picture were our common stock in trade. They had been vital skills in helping us survive as children, but disastrous for our adult selves.My solution had been to overcompensate, to focus with single-minded intensity on whatever was before me, sinking my teeth into every challenge like a terrier and shaking it to death. Violet’s was to escape into acting, to have expectations of no-one and nothing.As a combination, it was explosive. A recipe for doom. Yet I couldn’t give her up. And I couldn’t stop wanting her.I desired to be the best thing. This was my man, and this was my house and smallholding. I was defending this way of life as well as Joseph. I've realised that it's not just a nice warm feeling when I come here, this is home."I knew it even more clearly when I did the rounds yesterday morning on my own. There was no Joseph to lead the way, tell me what he wanted doing, and I still felt this was the life I wanted. If he had died I would have wanted to carry it on. Not that I could have: I'm sure his will has the place sold. Mind you, it would also take a lot of learning, but at that moment I really knew I could do it."I'm sure now. Absolutely sure. As you say, it's Joseph that I've always been sure of, and now no matter what comes my way, I want this life as well, life with him." Good on yer, girl," Mary said smiling. "It's so obvious to us you're exactly right for him, and you're already a perfect farmer's wife!"The two laughed. Then Angela became serious."All I need to do now is to convince Joseph." You will,.
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