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I would second guess the looks Walter gave me. Read too much into a single touch. Then think about how obsessive I was becoming. The cycle was painful and I didn't know what to do with all those new emotions. What was, for the longest time, a source of comfort for me, became a type of self-torture. And it only escalated from there.Most of the day, in the morning, I wouldn't allow myself to even begin to think about it, but when I was alone in my bed at night, I would grasp at my body pillow and imagine things that I would only allow him to do. First, it was the idea of a kiss, a simple, chaste kiss. Then it was a deeper kiss. Then I allowed myself to imagine that perhaps, at night, he would think of me too. Maybe he would touch himself while thinking of me. I plunged into those thoughts deeper and deeper. What I would do to him, where I would touch him, his vulnerable expressions, the sounds he would make. Him begging me for release. In those moments, I was so turned on, but had no. There had been several knocks since the first, each time causing panic to race through me, but now face to face with them, with only a small wooden plank between us, I felt a wave of excitement running through me. I cracked the door and peered out. Damn girl, I thought you had fucked with us. Sorry, I was getting ready. I pulled the door open and they kind of pushed their way in. I stood by the door as all four guys walked in and studied the room. The guy holding the beer walked to the kitchen and deposited the beer in the fridge, pulling out beers once he was there and passing it to everyone but me. So I dont get one? I asked. He smiled and brought me a beer. I could feel the awkwardness in the room. I could also feel the chill from the door being open so long, and I could tell from their eyes, that they could tell I could feel the cold as well. I tried to mask the evidence by pulling my arms to my chest and covering my nipples, but by doing so I made the matter worse by creating.
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