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In Hell, you’re an emotional cripple.Hell is a state of mind and no one could help me. No one could save me. I was trapped by memories, the only memories I had - six months of Addison four years ago. I had no other memories to distract me.In this Hell, I adapted. I’d learned to lie. I’d learned to fake social skills, pretend interest; I’d learned how to survive, not live. I worked out daily hoping the endorphins would assuage my soul. They didn’t - gone before I left the gym. I kept up appearances, maintained the same very short beard Addison had so liked.I’d discovered McEwan’s, a gourmet food shop in Don Mills and, like now, I browsed for premade meals, not that interested, not that hungry. Food was fuel, nothing more.Since her passing four years ago, I’d hired a house cleaning service to do that which I found impossible - to care. The house, garden, and pool were in fine shape, tended by others. Like a veneer, it showed the world I was fine. I wasn’t. I’d never be fine again.A. "Be sure to do it," she demanded.Then she left and closed the door, like I wasn't even there.I didn't get any condoms.I tried. But it didn't work out. I went to Walgreens, but there were so many different kinds I had no idea which to get. Did they come in sizes? If so, what size was I? Did I need heavy duty ones, or just regular? I was still trying to figure that out when Mrs. Abernathy, from church, started walking down the aisle, which also had cough medicine in it. I moved over and made it to the pain reliever section before she got to me."Well hello, Thutmose," she said, happily. "What a delight to see you on this beautiful morning." Hi, Mrs. Abernathy," I said. "How are you today?" Fine, fine. How are your parents?"She would see my parents the next day, and could ask them herself, but that wasn't the point. And I had to be polite. And Mrs. Abernathy, being in her seventies, most likely, came from a time where older women took younger man's arms and walked along with them, past.
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