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I'd left it out on purpose. My aches and pains made it feel more like empty mockery, meaningless words.I didn't reply."Please, Ollie. That's the most important part."I sighed again."... and please tell God to make the devil go away." Yeah," Sissie said. "I hope he dies." Don't say that," I said, though I agreed with her."Why not? It's true!" God doesn't like that kind of talk. He won't answer your prayers if you talk like that." Sorry," she said, but she wasn't talking to me.I guess she fell asleep after that. Her grip weakened and then faded away all together until I was just holding her limp hand."I love you, Sissie," I said, and gave her hand a kiss. "Only $73 dollars more."I couldn't sleep after that though. I was sore all over and had trouble breathing. Every time I inhaled my ribs hurt. I had a headache and my neck was sore. The rest of me was just sort of numb. I almost felt like I was floating above my bed, sort of twisted around at the waist.Eventually I pushed Sissie's hand. Or why she'd have a specific person in mind.The messages and arrangements went back for months. She'd been cheatingon me with another man since late Winter.I slumped in the chair. I didn't cry. I felt a sudden panic and searchedthrough her messages again, suddenly concerned that she might haverecorded and shared that video I'd sent her, of me masturbating to thisguy, but she hadn't. I did find a video, shot from over her head whileshe gave the person holding the camera a blowjob in a hotel room notunlike this one.I thought about walking out. The guilt of what I'd done with Vaughnmixed with the anger and hurt I felt towards my wife were both raisingmy anxiety levels. I didn't walk out. This was over and there was nopoint in prolonging it. Allie didn't deserve hearing about my cheatingon her. I took a few long screenshots of her texting with Brad and thenemailed them to myself from her phone for proof in case I needed itlater.I mentally rehearsed what I'd say while my wife blow dried.
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