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Okay?” He nodded.“Jim, you can stay with me if you want. I do have an extra room,” he said. I smiled.“Sam, I appreciate the offer. But, you and Colleen are tying the knot, and I really don’t feature listening to her screams of pleasure each night while you too get it on. No, I had a totally different reason for having you hear that recording.“Sam, the man is likely to come after me, I know him. And, I’m betting that he will ask you to talk to me, try to convince me of his sincerity and hers. I don’t want to deal with it and, like I said, I am asking you to not cooperate with him,” I said.“Okay, Jim, but he didn’t sound too bad in what he said on the recording,” said Sam. “Her, maybe yes but not him.”“No, but he also sees me as a burden; he’s just willing to deal with it. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.“No, I can’t be there. I’m moving back to Littleton. My disability money will take care of me basically, and in spite of my situation, I’m going to try and get a job, any job.. My father was absent-mindedly rubbing my neck. My mother cradled my feet in her lap, massaging them.I guess I didn’t talk for a few days.Not a day passes that I don’t feel at least a little guilty. That might be a strange word to describe it, but it’s true.I obsessed about that day in the living room for about a year. It drove me insane. I was in therapy for six months and I still don’t feel the same way I used to.Worse yet, I get turned on when I think about it. That’s where the guilt comes from. Sometimes, when I’m home alone (which happens rarely), I strip down and masturbate on the couch, or the floor. They never did catch the man that sexually assaulted me.That’s the killer right there, just knowing that he’s out there, somewhere. To this day, I lie awake at night and fantasize about him. I’m afraid, sure; but in a way, I want him to come back for me. I start thinking about being bound and gagged in my bed, while that man crawls over my body and rapes me again and again.?And I.
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