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.. It is just so sad, that I hate who I am. Or at least, what someone else wants me to be.I'm a bitch.There, I said it. I'm a bitch. I don't want to be but I am, that's all there is to it. I want to be nice to people, I despise myself when I play my games, but I can't help it. I feel like a puppet sometimes, like I'm dancing to someone else's tune while they pull the strings of my life.I try to cry about it when I'm alone here in my bedroom, but I can't even do that.In the middle of the night ... you know that feeling when you don't know whether you are asleep or awake? Your mind just floats somewhere in the cosmos and you don't think about anything at all, at least nothing you can remember when the light of day finally opens your eyes.Well, I remember!Not all the time, just once or twice. And I remember that I hate myself. In the middle of the night I semi-woke and found myself in that place and I remembered so clearly that I pinched my arm really hard to try to make myself cry. I. Slowly I made my moves towards her which she reacted as weirdly for me. I have stopped my moves with fear, but it is sexual urge it makes us to do anything so resumed my moves this time there is much better reaction from her and asked for her number she responded well given her number. Initially I started to send gud mrng gud nyt msgs and later on it started as frequent chats and luck on my side changed that into erotic chat which we had daily and later to phone sex. Which she initially hesitated but later on omg! She will not sleep if she had no phone sex.Later, it’s my turn to play a game with her and asked her about the real fun which she disagreed due to fear about her family and I kept on insisting about that which she kept on thinking. But the day came on which her family went to tour and left her due to her exams. I kept on insisting that this is the time for the dreaming day we both are wishing for and asked her about that for which she agreed this time with no reason. I went.
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