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That was complicated. I knew there were people who needed to be dead. But shooting a twelve-year-old girl because she might be wearing a vest and wouldn’t stop walking toward me killed part of my soul when I took her life. She wasn’t wearing a vest, as it turned out.So I overcorrected and decided to become the opposite of a patriotic assassin.That’s not fair. Most of the time they were shooting at us, too, or would have if they’d known we were there.Anyway, St [redacted] took me in and tried to teach me how to calm my soul. I was already patient. I once lay in a hide for three days, waiting for a particular bomb maker to arrive at a building we knew he used. So the sitting and thinking part was already there.The problem was that all I could think about were the people, including kids, who were the inevitable side effect of combat operations. I grieved for them all, but the ones who I caused were the ones who haunted me. I couldn’t get away from the torment of guilt, no matter what. Now I know why. Been divorced a few years now and I found out about her black lovers one day when I went over to her place to help her out with some needed fixes at her house. Happened to run into one of her black overs as he was leaving. He thought it was funny that I never knew about her and black men. Once I asked her, she told me how it happened and some stories of her exploits over our married life. Here is just part of what happened.When I married her, she was a naive 18 year old. Tall, slim, nice boobs, 34c, long blondish hair, blue eyes. All the things most black men want in a white wife. First few years, she was in nursing school, I was working and we only saw each other during nites after I got off work. Weekends were family and friends.Well at age 21 she started working in a hospital. I know doctors started hitting on her right off the bat. She even told me that one asked her to go to the beach for a long weekend, but she didn't.About a year after she started working.
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