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" I'm not..."But the words stopped there.I had my hand on his dick already, the bulbous light pink head nearly touching my lips. All it would take was another few inches, a movement forward and I would be a cock sucker. A strange insult, now that I thought about it. The weird, oddly misogynist and self-defeating idea that somehow it was insulting to give pleasure, not to receive it, no matter the source.I was guilty of the same like-minded thinking. I couldn't bring myself to actually suck a cock, as though the act in and of itself would brand me as a cocksucking faggot for the rest of my life. Holding another man in my hand - that was just harmless curiosity, a casual trifle, nothing really that would make me gay or queer.But at the thought of fulfilling his desire, my prick bulged against my jeans. I wanted to pry out my cock and join him on the bench, but there was something about actually showing him my package. Compared to his behemoth, I wondered what he would make of my. Long termers, like me, often got letters early on, as I discovered. But after a while the letters became fewer and fewer as the people in their previous lives moved on. I was sure that I would at least not be suffering that particular fate; I’d be proof against that. My situation was for sure unique, that by any standard. I actually felt good about being inside for my woman. Now all I had to do was survive for the next nineteen years.I did get my visit from Blake in July ‘73. He seemed something. I guess he felt bad for me. Hell, I know for a fact that he felt bad for me. He told me about his business. He told me that Ava had indeed quit her job and while she was eternally sad about my situation, she was coping rather well. According to Blake, she even helped him out as an office assistant from time to time. She did mostly busy work, but useful for all of that. I felt good that my woman was not losing it as one might have said. That was important to me.Blake did let me know that Ava.
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