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You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’ The Irishman replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!’Lemon Squeeze There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, ‘Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.’ The priest said, ‘Confess your sins and be forgiven.’ The young woman said, ‘Last night my boyfriend made passionate love to me seven times.’ The priest thought long and hard and then said, ‘Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.’ The young woman asked, ‘Will this cleanse me of my sins?’ The priest said, ‘No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.’Catholic Dog Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, ‘Father, my dog is dead ... Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?’Father Patrick replied, ‘I’m afraid not; we cannot have. With their huge breasts, wide hips, and raging libidos. They said you couldn't trust them; they were too frivolous and impulsive. And they had dangerous, magical powers. The people in the small town I grew up in made a special point to tell me not to stare at their tits; because they'd notice me.I decided to dismiss most of the warnings. Ever since the special Celestial Conjunction of this century, magic had been possible. And the Fae races from the Land of Fairy arrived on Earth again, after more than a 1,000 years of absence, to teach us their magic, and to learn our science. The fact that these fairy creatures seemed to have impossibly crazed sex-drives frightened parents even more than tales of the new magic.But I wasn't sure I believed most of it. No one could be that wanton. Sure, I'd heard stories of Satyrs using magic to teleport into women's locker rooms, and women who claimed that the elves were stealing their husbands, and I'd seen the covers of the Adult magazines with.
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