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I told him, I wrote the notes, packed and left. I couldn’t stay, not knowing how much danger everyone was in just being near me. At this point I’m pretty some people hate me for leaving, but it was a choice I had to make. He sighed again, hugged me tighter and told me that he was happy I was there now. I had been looking out at the park around us while we talked, but now I looked at our hands. I tried to take mine back, but it was like he knew what that meant. He held on tighter saying no, but I sighed, and told him, you know I can’t go back yet right? He’s still after me, he won’t stop until he has me, or I’m dead, or he is. I’ll come back when it’s safe, I need you to comfort our girl. She must hate me to an extreme by now. He hugged me tighter to him, and started whispering things into my hair, things I couldn’t understand. We stayed that way for a while, not really paying attention to those around us. I started to pull away and he clung to me harder, saying just let me hold. Since Mommy didn’t know for sure, she couldn’t tell him. Your leaving me was the first time I was certain, and for him, it would have been another heartbreak. Mommy’s love for him wanted to spare him that much. He was never Mommy’s to begin with, but somehow in the midst of his awful and lonely life, he and Mommy became close. It was the sweetest thing Mommy has ever known, the day he told her he loved her in the middle of all his mess. She made him forget all his failures and opened his eyes to possibilities. Being loved by him, as wrong as it was, is probably the closest Mommy will ever be to where you are. He was very funny, had a wicked wit, was brilliant about a great many things. He wasn’t a dandy with his hands like many violinists, and he was always in the middle of every lively conversation. He was married and many people think that makes Mommy a terrible person, but his wife abandoned him in more ways than one. When push came to shove, he chose the Devil he knew, too afraid.
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