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I was celibate, I hardly drank, I didn’t gamble, I let everyone walk all over me. Then one day, I get dropped on my ass in the middle of hell, and Lucy here tells me I have to pass seven tests to become God’s chosen child. So, I’m super stoked, you know? Who doesn’t want a chance to prove their worth to the almighty? So, I go through with it, passing test after test, resisting the greatest temptations hell had to offer. And you know what my reward was? Getting nailed to the fucking cross and bleeding to death for six hours. Trust me, Sugar, it ain’t worth it.”“B-but your sacrifice,” I stammered, “you absolved us of sin!”“Ha!” Jesus laughed, “I died with shit all over me, begging our holy mother here to save my ass, but she was preoccupied at the time. What were you doing again, God? Was it getting spit-roasted by Nebuchadnezzar and Ramses? Or were you taking it in the ass from King Bera?” “Jesus,” God growled, “you’re making an ass of yourself in front of your date! And you know. Knowing that I needed a shack pack, I folded a pair of jeans, an extra pair of socks, shorts, and a knit shirt for the next time I was caught out doing something like courier work. I looked at the pickup location for my charter going to Costa Rica and it was in California, so that meant I needed to fly out there tonight, sleep whenever, and fly south via Mexico to get this customer down there so that I could pick up the one who was returning to the States. Hmm, they were going back to Chicago, so it wouldn't be too bad at that point. I would have to stay over in Chicago or somewhere enroute, or take a chance of being too tired to make the flight home.I could have really used a nap, but I needed to get it on to get to California so that I could sleep on the plane tonight.I called the California customer and was told by the man that an unexpected emergency had arisen so they couldn't leave tomorrow, but would probably leave Friday or Saturday instead. I still had the charter to bring a.
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