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Why did I hold myself back sometimes? I knew it wasn't appropriate at that moment, but it wouldn't have been the first time if I had. I usually drew a frustrating blank when I started thinking about it. Rebecca would have been surprised. Indecisive would not have been how she described me. And yet here I was, thinking of her while Dominique relented and let the tears flow. Had I truly let go? While Dominique sobbed, I realised I had some confessing of my own to do. But I would afford us some privacy for that. In the meantime, I decided that if Dominique was going to make inroads into her vanilla ways of thinking, it was going to be today. And it wasn't going to be easy. I knew what to do. And I recognised that this might be the last time I ever involved other people in our play. Dominique would not miss Paul. Not when I was done. I should have seen it. It was as plain as the nose on my face. Dean's cabin was too much for her. It was too random and too stressful. It hadn't opened. We were therefore constantly meeting each other, and if I gave her the slightest hint of my intentions towards her, it would be fatal to the very doubtful chances of success that I had! And so successfully did I conceal my real feelings under a cloak of generous acceptance of her action that she had not the faintest idea (as she afterwards admitted to me) that I was playing a part.But, as the proverb says, everything comes to the man who can wait. For some considerable time, it seemed as if it would be wise on my part to abandon my desire for vengeance, as the circumstances of our daily lives were such as did not promise the remotest chance of my getting possession of Leah under conditions of either place or time suitable for the accomplishment of my purpose. Nevertheless, I controlled my patience and hoped for the best, enduring as well as I could the torture of unsatisfied desire and increasing lust.It then happened that I had occasion to change my residence, and in my search for.
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