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There arethings, after all, that a woman can do that a man simply can't. I think thatthe mind takes the path of least resistance towards its healing, andsometimes the easiest way to get to that point is by looking at it allthrough the eyes of a woman." Fair enough," Gray said. "Look, Joshua, I can't say that I'm completelycomfortable with what was done to me, but I seem comfortable enough in theform I have now. It was conjured out my own mind, after all. What I want toknow is what's next." Generally, we use a very low-grade form of the Music at this point toreconcile the subject and everyone the subject might know to the newidentity, to keep from having any repercussions. Then we'd process yourdocuments to reflect the change as if you'd been born with them." This works?" Almost unfailingly," Joshua confirmed."We should probably get to it, then," Gray said with finality."Don't you want me to see if this process is reversible?" Joshua asked,bewildered."No," Gray said. "Doctor, I know. It's one of the ways I'm different I guess. I've talked with friends who came out after they were adults, some who hadn't been at all gay before, and all of them went through more of a progression, even had some childhood or teenage feelings, but not me. It was like I was hit by lightening.Anyway, I couldn't stop thinking about it. What was it like to sleep with a woman? What was it like to feel her body? I had to know more.I had heard about "Personal Best," with Mariel Hemingway.No, this was a few years after the movie came out. No pun intended. So I rented it one day when I knew I would be alone in the house. This was before Internet sex became available. That early scene in the movie, where the two of them kiss and then start to make love... I couldn't get enough of it. I kept playing it and rewinding. It was like I went crazy over it.Henry, I've never told a living soul this, but I started masturbating and coming. I almost never did either back then. I did it over and over. God,.
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