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I watch, cuffed and with black stockings under my dark blue dress, as John dresses. He’s already packed his suitcase and is all ready to go. Except first he brings out the spreader bar. “On all fours on the bed,” he says.I comply. It’s obvious to me that John won’t be getting the benefit of this himself, but clearly he’s turned on by this anyway. The bar is fixed between my ankles, forcing my legs apart. “Arms underneath!” John commands.This is a bit difficult and awkward, but I understand what he wants. I manage somehow to feed my arms through so that he can cuff my wrists to the little hooks in the middle of the spreader bar.There I am, curled up in a ball on the bed, vulnerable to assault, as John says, “Right, I’m off to the airport. I love you.”“I love you too,” I say. There’s no fear. Obviously my husband isn’t going to leave me here like this for an entire week, even though he picks up his suitcase and leaves the room.It takes a matter of seconds before I hear his voice again,. A picture began to develop of the perfectguy for me. After a few minutes I sat up and began writing:I like boys that are cute. I like boys with dark hair and big muscles thatcan beat me up if they want to but don't because they want to treat melike a pretty girl. I like guys that are taller than me. I think HarryStyles is soooo hawt. I want a boy that kisses me all over and buys mepretty things. I would dance with him and cook for him and make him feelgood all over. The perfect boy for me is older and really hot...The actual essay went on a lot further with lots and lots of details aboutthe kind of boy a girl like me would love to have for a boyfriend. Itended up filling a whole page. I felt like Alyssa would approve of it.The next thing I did was to paint my toenails as ordered. I picked a colorcalled Flirty Pink and slowly coated each toenail with the little brushattached to the inside of the white cap. The smell of the nail polish wassomething new to me and like all things 'girl'.
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