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I knew that part of my anger was due to writing my life history. Reliving the bad things that had happened to me was opening old and serious scars. My emotions were running in chaotic spurts as I recalled the various wounds my psyche had taken.I wanted, or needed, I wasn't sure which James to spank me and then fuck me 'til I was pregnant. That last I was sure was a want. But being spanked? That was confusing me. Until I'd relived the memory of the first time Mr. Jacob had seen my bare butt I hadn't realized where my tendency to blur pain and pleasure had come from.Now I was sure that confusion had started that day when simply by tending my hurts Mr. Jacob had brought me to an orgasm. Actually I'm fairly sure it was the first orgasm I'd ever experienced. I'd stopped writing at that point because reliving the moment had been both the best and worst thing that I'd done. I realized now that Mr. Jacob may have intended to bring me pleasure. The difficulty I had at that point was that his. I heard my dad tell my mom Josh would never be able to have kids and after the operation he would probably never get to have sex for the rest of his life.I was shocked that my parents were talking so bluntly about sex and my younger brother. I couldn't figure out what was going on. My mom started to cry and didn't think it was fair. She then slowly told my dad they would tell me tomorrow but only as little as I needed to know. I heard them say it was time to go to bed so I snuck back up to my room and softly closed the door.I heard my parents go into their room and close the door. What was that all about? I didn't even have a clue but it was all I could think about all night.The next day after school my mom called me in and she told me just a little about what was happening. Jeff would probably be going into the hospital in a little under a month for some small surgery to remove some suspicious lumps. That's all she would tell me, but she did ask me to treat Josh as nice as I could..
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