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She took me into her bedroom. I was thinking, “I’m in for it here. I expected that she was going to rip into me about not saying no to their request.”The discussion started with her bombastic approach which I had become accustomed to whenever she was upset, “Why!” She asked while shaking her head.“Why what?”“Why did you say you needed time to consider it?”“I didn’t want to hurt them. It’s important to them.”“Then why didn’t you tell them right away that you would do it.”“What are you saying?”“I’m saying that you have to do it for them. Now get out there and make the arrangements.”“But I promised you that you would be the only woman from now on.”“Yes, but this is not you cheating on me. It’s helping out two desperate women. If you don’t help them, what the hell do you think they will do? They have no one else. You can’t say no.”“But what about you, what will you be doing while I… You know?”“I’ll be there of course. Each time, one of them will feel left out and will want someone with. So, it got blacker and blacker.” “It wasn’t that I wanted to turn the clock back, it was that I wanted to be a part of something. There was no overt exclusion, other than the bedroom and anything physical, but I began to feel unwanted.” Jane and Alison listened, with a growing sense of misery, horror and remorse. Each time one made to speak, Ron smiled and held up his hand. They waited. “Remember my darlings, what we now have,” said Ron softly. “It could only have been born out of pain.” “I reached a point, by the end of February, of being very calm and relaxed. The abyss beckoned me like a friend, and I was ready. I was ready to go from one blackness to another. So I took a walk up Greygarth Hill to begin to let go of things. But then an extraordinary thing happened.” “I was sat on the big slab, when the angels arrived.” Jane and Alison watched, in wonder, as a huge smile spread over Ron’s face. It was as if he was recalling a dream. “No! Not celestial ones with wings and harps..
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