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Its one of the things I struggle with most. Professional mental health people tell me over and over that it wasn’t my fault but I carry so much guilt for the times I would go to him and seduce my way into his attention. If you have ever have wondered about the mental anguish and pain regarding rape I can tell you from my own experience that I feel so much less guilt from the times in my life when a man would force himself on me, and hit me, and restrain me and force sex on my body. I do not struggle to call those times rape. What I struggle to believe no matter how many people tell me so is that it was also rape the times I went to him and the times, God these words are even hard to say, but that I wanted him, I wanted to do those naughty games we played. Guys have asked me a question that I still struggle with wanting to lie about and that is, “Did it feel good?” I am so full of shame that it did sometimes. I am so full of shame that many times I wanted to feel him touch me.. The commander pulled us from the jaws of hell more times than we care to recall. We are loyal to him to a fault, the man is still military, therefore he still thinks with that mentality." Rayburn continued."With us not following what he has ordered us to do, his military mind might think we are disobeying orders. We have to show a damn good reason for not doing exactly as he ordered." Kimison explained."So, the improvements and the new machines you have started, is your working toward that end?" A surprised Tempro asked. To which both men nodded. "Then it would be acceptable if I was to lend my services to aid you?"Wide grins broke out on both men's faces as they were both vigorously nodding their agreement."Hello?" A familiar voice sounded from the speakers."Ah! Derry, no, we haven't forgotten about you. Tempro is he ready to evacuate to space?" Kimison asked as he looked over the readings."Yes primes, I am reading forty percent regen of the body. Sixty percent of cerebral activity..
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