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He hung up with a request that we (meaning me) bugger off and never darken his door again!This time I really was going to kill that fanged freak! was the thought that kept coursing through my head.The night of our private dinner was a Friday and I found myself looking at an elegant stranger staring back at me through a carven, gilt frame. That stranger was dressed in a curve-hugging, floor-length black dress of shimmering silk with matching two-inch heels. Her figure, a shock to me, was lithely gorgeous and would not have been a surprise to a ballerina. Grandmother and Lady Ancen ("call me Elizabeth, my dear," though I would not) descended upon me when they learned of our dinner engagement at The Gracewood. I was subjected to six hours of hairdressers and manicurists and cosmeticians and dressmakers, resulting in the stranger staring gape-mouthed at me from the Victorian-era gilt mirror in my room. The dress aside, my usual hacked-off-just-past-the-shoulders hair style had been. “No thanks, I’ll handle it.” I brushed her hand away and dashed for the latrine.Someday I’m going to have to write a book: Zen and the Art of Elimination. I usually mediated when I took a dump. Hey, we’ve got to think of something when we do our business. I figured I might as well use the process of voiding to find enlightenment along with relief.The morning chill had left the potty seat so cold my balls wanted to climb back inside my body. I squirmed and tried to find a warm spot as shivers ran up my spine and rattled my teeth. What the fuck happened last night? How did I end up naked between those two sexy women? I racked my hung-over mind and stumbled through a misty fog bank of blurry memories filed away in last night’s memory folder.Exhibits A-D: Four steaming and delicious mugs of hot buttered rum and homemade brandy (a federal offense).Exhibits E-F: Two contests to determine who could take the most hits from a marijuana-filled hookah in sixty seconds. It became the loser’s task.
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