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Birth is part of life. As we remember this young lady today, somewhere else in this city a baby is being born. Death is like a new born baby, it happens every day."I SEE A LINE OF CARS AND THEY'RE ALL PAINTED BLACKWITH FLOWERS AND MY LOVE BOTH NEVER TO COME BACKFinally it was over. Everyone went outside and I stood there, feeling lost. I saw them putting Jen in a long black hearse. It seemed... fitting. There was a long line of limos, all black. People were starting to filter into the open doors and I felt a tug on my arm.Angie gently led me to our own black car. I looked over at the hearse and saw the bright array of flowers on the casket. I saw the door close and the hearse slowly pulling away and I knew at that moment that neither the flowers nor Jen were ever coming back to me. My love was gone... gone forever. I collapsed into the limo and started crying — even my tears were black.I drifted for the next month. I took a leave of absence from work — they gave my next project to. "And I say, "OK," smiling uneasily. Permission.--------------------First BreakfastSaturday comes and I am up early. No one even gets up, this also is normal. Nick and I are the ones who fish, who boat. We are the ones who rise early in the morning with the sun, who walk in the woods. And I stand at the mirror with butterflies in my stomach, and tremblingly apply a bit of makeup. A little lipstick, a little mascara. Not too much. A yellow dress, a not too subtle reference to my yellow bikini, I think to myself. I've pulled on the tiniest pair of panties, and a half cup push up bra. I feel beautiful and sexy. I want him to feel what he felt on Thursday. Walking downstairs to the car I am thinking: Calm. Calm. This is fine. I take a breath, drive into what will be a waking dream and walk into our usual place, The Summers Egg, and to our usual table where he is already sitting. Everyone knows us, and I realize we are not alone here either. It is already different than I imagined. We are.
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