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Because I did not thinkthat I would be going to a party while here, and I did not have a fancydress in the first place. {This was awhile ago when boys and girls gotdressed up to go to parties, not like today where anything goes.}The three of us went shopping for a nice dress. There was the usualbickering between Aunt Elsa and mother on which dress was prettiest; Ididn't seem to have a choice in the matter. The outcome was that mombought the one she liked best and Aunt Elsa bought the one she wanted.When would I ever get a chance to wear both dresses?I showed my girlfriends, Lydia, and Beth, my dresses, both of them. Ofcourse they had to try them on changing right in front of me. What asituation. Here I am, a sixteen year old boy in a room with two younggirls (Both pre pubescent, both almost naked) and I feel nothing; butthinking of the eleven year old boy I had in my arms just last night and Iget an erection. I always wear my tight panty girdle to hide things likethat. They both. Still, Some of the best memories of my life are from then and 38 years later I still have my best friend. Putting some of it down on electronic paper left me in a good mood the entire next day which is rare for me.Part of that is learned behavior when you just accept life sucks and prepare for the worst then you can be pleasantly surprised. Which I’ve found beats the hell out of having hope and then getting it crushed out of you time after time. The other part comes from being in chronic pain. It’s hard to be in a civil much less happy mood when you constantly hurt. It wears on you. Then there’s the anxiety that comes from the fallout of the illness. I.E. paying bills with little money. Trying to maintain relationships. Worries about the future and if you have one.Every now and then though, things ease up a bit. You don’t hurt so much. You’re mind is a little clearer and you find a smile on your face. That’s me at the moment. My head hurts and I had to leave work early because I went.
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