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Day normal chal raha tha. Fir aaya English ka period aur us heroine ki entry hui. Heroine ka name hai Hemlata. Us samay thodi class mein positivity si aayi. Lekin mujhe sex aur chudam pati ke baare mein jada knowledge nahi thi. To main kuch samajh nahi paya.Ab thoda Hemalata ji ka introduction karwa dun. Age lagbhag 26-27. Rang ekdum gora. Unmarried. Shakal jaise pari ki ho. Figure mein boobs to kamal ke the lekin gaand jada ubhri hui nahi thi.Lekin dekhne mein aisi kamal lag rahi thi. Pehle hi din usne mujhe apna diwana kar diya tha. Mujhe kuch feel ho raha tha lekin samajh nahi aa raha tha. To Madam ji aaye aur unhone mujhe pichle bench par dekha.Mujhe unhone mujhe 1st bench par bulaya aur apne saamne baithaya. Fir unhone padhana shuru kiya aur class khatam hote hi homework diya. Unke paas ek book thi jisme uske pure answers likhe the.Maine mam ko majak majak mein bola ki aap mujhe ye book dedo. Fir hamari choti si conversation hui:Mam: Tere liye to sab kuch hai.Main: Matlab. My karate instructor had said as much when he had said I wasn’t focused and didn’t put in sufficient effort. Why? Did I question my own abilities? It wasn’t just time, it was commitment. I actually practiced my guitar more than I practiced karate, but I didn’t play for friends nearly as much as they wanted me to. Why? Doctor Blahnik had said I was good, but I wasn’t sure I believed her. It was self-confidence again.And maybe THAT was part of my issue with sex. I’d wanted to lose my virginity at fifteen or sixteen, but I hadn’t succeeded. Why? Because I was sure I was going to be shot down by the girls. I wondered if it had become a self-fulfilling prophecy — I was sure they wouldn’t want to be with me so I’d behaved in ways that made them not want to be with me. As I mused over the change that had occurred after I’d been with Jocelyn, it really did come down to one thing — self-confidence. I KNEW at least one girl found me attractive and interesting enough to have sex with. And once.
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