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”“You find me repulsive.”“I assure you I don’t. You’re just an unknown quantity to me. I was being careful. It sounded like you were going to take care of yourself, I didn’t want to interrupt.”“I only did that because you weren’t touching me. It’s been so long since I’ve seen a man, felt his warmth. I wanted you to take me, and when you didn’t, I became frustrated. I touched myself, then remembered that I could kill you if I finished. Not that any of that matters. You don’t find me attractive,”I sighed. Her self esteem was abysmal, that much was obvious, but I could hardly blame her given the centuries of fear and loathing she’d endured, not to mention loneliness. “I do find you attractive. In fact, my body was reacting to yours last night, and I did my best to hide it from you.” “Really?” she smiled. “How come?”“I don’t know, I was nervous. I don’t have a lot of experience with women, especially not banshees. I just kinda panicked,” I said.She stared up at me with her big eyes, still. I finally settled on that I believe that there is SOMETHING out there, but not ‘God’ as he/she was presented to me when I was a child. Some part of my brain just couldn’t handle all of the crap that was served to me on the silver platter that was organized religion. So, here I am without something to believe in when, apparently, I need something. I’ve thought about medication for anxiety. I’ve talked to my doctor and read through the effects and side-effects. I don’t think meds are the answer. It’s the worst at night. I go to bed, feeling very peaceful, and then something happens to trigger thoughts of death in my mind and if I’m lucky, I can get rid of them. Other nights, they stay there at the front of my mind, so that no matter what I think about or if I get out of bed to do something else, they’re still there. Even trying to write doesn’t help because I’m too tired to focus. Sleeping pills don’t help, because I need at least ten hours to burn them out of my system. Even with a.
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