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" I started talking, because if I was going to make a commitment to Jane then I needed to explain how and why. It seemed important and it did make me feel strong for a change. I wasn't a kid and I wasn't going to act like one, not anymore."Okay," Jane replied slowly, licking her soft full lips."She's ... Her name is Julie and she's my age, she goes to CFS over in Beaverton." I paused, but Jane didn't say anything. "Anyway I was, um ... well, I'm supposed to see her tomorrow and, uh..." Like a date?" she asked me."Yeah, I think so. I don't know." I giggled nervously and my heart was pounding a little. "I think she likes me and I sort of wanted to be like her boyfriend. Sorta." Is she gay?" Jane was tracing a finger around my breast, looking down at it so I couldn't see her face."I don't know." I shrugged, thinking it sounded like I didn't know a whole lot about this girl suddenly. "I think so, maybe. She's interested in me, I think." You should find out then." Jane looked up at me, not. And then it occurred to me. I had no other choice. I had to get Paul to make love to me before Daddy fucked me. I suddenly understood the difference Paul said there was between making love and fucking. I had to get to Paul. And I had to not let Daddy get to me first. If it meant that… I wasn’t going to think about that. I would do what I had to do. Once the bruises went down a little, they would let me go back over to Paul’s house. I would have to go this Saturday, I suddenly realized with joy. I would have to go this Saturday, because Mom and Dad were working doubles, and after what had happened, there was no way they would leave me alone, if only to make sure I didn’t kill myself, or run away, or whatever it was that they were always so afraid I would do! That’s what they always did. And I would tell him he had to make love to me. Bruises or no. No choice. I can make it to Saturday, I encouraged myself. I just have to act normal, and maybe they will, too. I made.
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