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What always pisses me off the most about hecklers is they think they’re adding something fresh and spontaneous to the show, when really what they’re doing is hogging attention and being terrible at it. Normally I rip into hecklers and eventually get them to shut up, but I didn’t know how important these guys were. I’ve heard horror stories of comedians overstepping very thin lines at corporate gigs and not getting paid because they “violated the contract.” So I tried my best to go on. But this one guy up front was the king of assholes. I got into this bit about the clothes I wear, and he tried to add to it and make fun of my clothes. He literally got out of his chair and poured beer on my shoes, saying all along a bunch of crap like, “I’m gonna send you some shoes a real man wears after this. Don’t worry, you’ll thank me later!” He looked like a 40-year-old model, slicked back hair, shiny watch, strong cologne, and an obvious trophy wife latched onto his table. She looked like a. I shivered, grabbed his hand and shouted No, no. What am I doing. I pulled away from him and looked at him. He was startled and didn’t know what to do. His eyes were vicious and delirious, while his body stood still, and stayed blocked like a child’s. He starred at me and suddenly grasped my hand, pushed me against the kitchen counter from behind. I started crying out — don’t Mike, what are you doing, I…. I could feel his body leaning against me from behind. He unbuttoned his trousers, I heard his zip go down. I tried to turn when he was sliding his trousers down, but his powerful hand held me firmly. His cock was out free now and bumping over my thighs. He came forward and stuck his head over my shoulder, kissed my neck. I could hardly breath. His right hand lifted my skirt and pulled my panties down. He pushed his hand in between my legs and felt my vagina, as if to check if I was moist enough. His fingers touching my cunt, made me itch there, and I attempted to move my body, but.
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