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My grip on the handhold tightened and my mind was blank. Jean released me, her warmth washing away as the shower rained down. I felt cold and alone.As my mind wandered in the cesspool of regret, humiliation and guilt, I felt something on my back. It glided over me in small, gentle circular motions. I finally realized it was Jean washing me. My thoughts were tangled and I couldn’t understand why she would do this. I thought she would hate me. I turned and took hold of her hand and looked hard into her eyes.“Why?” I muttered. She smiled.“Because I love you too Ben.” She said. It felt something like shock. She gently pulled her wrist from my now, weak grip and began to wash me again. Up and down my back, then down over my ass cheeks and the backs of my legs. Understanding dawned as I realized she wasn’t repulsed by my actions or hate me because I married Tera for the reason’s I had.Jean came around to my front side and rinsed the wash mitt. Soaping it up again she began to. But that is who he was. That was not the first time and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. The next morning during breakfast my mom reminds me of the ‘worldly dangers’ and what I should look out for and that kissing is a ‘gateway’ to other activities including sex. I assured her that I would be true to my beliefs and to my family… but I only half believed the words coming out of my mouth. I liked the physical feelings that Scott gave me and I wanted to explore that more but my parents made me feel guilty about it. Always relating every situation to the church and religion. I had always wondered why they put so much pressure on me regarding this because it just made me want to never tell them anything about my life. I did not want to have this happen every time I found something that brought me happiness in life. That was the last time I took any boy home and the last time I had even led on that I was seeing anyone or even interested. For the next month Scott and I would grow even.
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