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When you stop hurting. You’re afraid to move because it might start again.With my type of Aphasia you transition back and forth from verbal to various states of non verbal. These can scale from almost unnoticeable slight pauses to severe stuttering to jumbled sentence structure to absolute muteness. I run the entire spectrum though absolute muteness is somewhat rare with me. Now there are soft transitions where the speaker may feel a slight pressure before or as or after the transition occur. Then there are hard transitions that are very painful. Transitions being neurological in nature can also trigger panic attacks like PTSD. For me, the panic attacks are a problem. Panic attacks trigger the fight or flight response. When I’m afraid of something I kill it. If it’s dead it can’t hurt me. So during a panic attack anything I interpret as aggressive is a direct and immediate threat to my survival. I am a trained fighter. I never had these attacks before my illness.One day my wife. "No never," She replied, almost with a defiant tone."I never felt any regret or any shame. Quite the opposite actually," She continued. "Through all the shit that is going on in my life at the moment, it's the one thing that makes me smile."She lowered her voice and a wicked smile appeared on her face as she asked, "Do you still like your nipples to be touched?" I do," I replied, almost apologetically. "Some women just don't get it though and when I ask, they do it reluctantly. For fuck's sake!" I suddenly ranted. "I'm only asking them to lick my nipples, not give me a fucking prostate massage!" I'd have done that for you," she laughed."What's that?" A prostate massage."We both laughed.“Thanks!” I said.We started on the new bottle of wine. Her hand now permanently rested on my leg. Fingers occasionally stroking it."What's hubby like in bed?" I felt pissed enough to ask.She sighed and considered her answer, "Oh, standard, straight, boring. We stopped having sex a long time ago. I look.
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