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The next morning, I woke up grudgingly. Today was going to be particularly horrible, when in reality, it should be one of the best days of my teenage life. But my anxiety was at an all time high. I couldn’t believe I had another panic attack last night. That was the third one this week. But no matter was my anxiety level, I had become an expert of hiding what I was really feeling. That was the reason I began writing in the first place. I needed an out. However, these days, it just doesn’t seem to be enough. I shoved my nightmare to the back of my mind, sighed and threw the covers off me. I made my way over to my closet. I paused, looking down at my pajamas, which only caused me to groan. I must have slept on my arm. My shirt had lines of dried blood all over it. I studied the damage I had inflicted the night before, feeling disgusted. There were three cuts total marring the pale skin of my forearm, one for each episode this week. I don’t know what made me pick up the scissors that. I replied, “kiske baare mein sochte hain” (about whom you think)she immediately asked me another question, and I replied, “hain ek do ladkiyan mere friend circle mein, mere friends ki girl friend” once again she asked, (couple of girls of my friend circle, my friends girl friend) “aur koi, wahan koi nahi hai”?(anyone else, there) “haan, hai mere residence ke pass neghbourhood mein ek ladki hai, mainly sunday's ko dikhai deti hai”.(yes, one girl stays near my residence, generally I see her on Sunday’s) I wrote back in two parts, “aur koi”? (anyone else) She further asked, I gave a thought to it, and decided to reveal another female and wrote back “ek married lady hai office mein” (there is a married lady in my office) “age kya hai uski” ( what would be her age)Sheela Didi asked me again, “don't know, must be 6-7 years elder than me” I replied, “nearly my age”? She confirmed, and I replied, “may be” “kisi din akele mein office mein hi pakad leejiyega, kya pata oosi ke saath aapko aapka.
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