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You are shivering. You may be crying. There is wetness seeping though my shirt. I hold you and rock a little bit until the shaking stops. I will my warmth into you, breathing slowly, holding and stroking. In time – how much doesn’t really matter – you sigh. I feel an ember of warmth reflected back to me and see a hint of color where your arms and legs peek from your clothing.You pull back from me a bit, pushing yourself up on my chest to look at me eye to eye. I see sorrow, pain, life, beauty, so many things. I know I can’t give everything you need. Perhaps nothing of lasting value, but it doesn’t matter. The light around us is just a little warmer for now, and that’s enough now.There is something else in your eyes. Need. Desire. Hunger. You tilt your head back as I lean toward you. We kiss deeply, and warmth transmutes to heat on the softness of your lips and tongue. It *is* a dream, because such turns of moods only happen in dreams, but I don’t care. Your hand comes up to entwine. “Come on, Morgan, can we keep it for one night?”Morgan laughed right back. “Look, one night, but that’s it. We already have a cat and you can’t keep another one.”I couldn’t help but grin with the playful game and I did actually end up staying the night at their house, where we drank White Claw and watched Star Wars. The awesome thing about Morgan and Trish as friends was the fact that they were adult enough to have their own place and have good credit, but still playful enough to have a slumber party and play Apex Legends. It was that that made us kindred spirits in the first place really.But there was a pull in my heart. This was light and playful and I liked playing along, but it wasn’t what I craved anymore. I had experienced something so very dark and the desire for more of that darkness felt like a corruptive stain of some kind, one that was spreading through me and taking an addictive hold. Thursday weighed on my mind until it finally happened.I obeyed his command, all of it. I.
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