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Where was the sweet, sensitive guy who was in love with Saya? Only a week and half without her, and I found myself an emotionally vacant jerk.This wasn't being strong and moving on. This was shutting myself in. Not that I knew what to do about it. The only positive thing I could think of was that I wasn't getting clingy with Tiffany, at least.I went golfing again. My score was improving... Perhaps I still could have my 'perfect concept'. Just paste Tiffany's face into that hole in my life where the 'wife' role belongs. She would be the hot babe trophy wife, just like a hundred other young executives I was acquainted with. Use her for sex and for producing offspring, treat her like an object, give her a credit card and she would be satisfied. Deep down, I believed Tiffany would jump at the chance, and be truly happy for it.Maybe this was the best I could hope for in my life after true love. I could be married again, and my whole life would be 'ideal' again. But for some reason,. I did itfor myself. I needed to do it. I am a woman, I just didn't look likeone." You do now," he said. "In fact I have to tell you I cannot imagine youas a man. When I first saw you I assumed you were a woman, and evenwhen you told me I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it. Ican only see a woman." I think that's the nicest thing anybody has ever said to me," I said,with tears in my eyes.He came close to me and held me. I could smell his aftershave andbeneath it the muskiness of a man. It was both reassuring andthrilling. I had discovered something about the new me since yesterdayafternoon.I needed to redo my makeup. Then we left the room. He had only adrawing case as he would return later. I had my overnight bag. We heldhands in the lift. An older couple joined us on the 12th floor. Theysmiled at us. We must have looked like newly-weds. Tall newly-weds.As we walked across the lobby he said, "I have your details. I will besending work your way. I think.
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