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Yet, I was also Bess. Was I moreBess than James now? Clearly, I felt that I was.Nevertheless, I decided I would put myself to the test so I cleared mymind as best I could and focused only on the single issue of motherhoodwith all the scrupulousness, all the strictest standards of integrity towhich I could hold myself. It is agonizing for me to be self-critical,and I normally do my best to avoid it. But in the end my conclusion wasI would have a baby.There must be, however, certain conditions already in place. I had totruly love the father, and, equally important, the father must trulylove me. I would not give birth to a baby born of rape and would turn mycase over to the women who knew the secret ways of dealing with anunwanted pregnancy.I would not give birth to a child born out of incest. I would not usepregnancy as a contrivance to separate a man from his gold. But I wouldgladly give birth for love?s sake, even if my life were to be endangeredin the process. I would risk it. I guess that teachers let their hair down during summer vacation as well.“Jim, glad to see you. We’re so glad you could stay with us. Now are you hungry? John is about to throw something on the grill.”“No thanks Aunt Laura, I ate dinner before I came” I answered “right now I just want to put my stuff away.”She looked up at my eyes, seemingly reluctant to end our embrace although she finally did. “Of course Jim. Honey why don’t you fire up the grill while I show Jim to his room.”“Good idea Laura. Steaks will be ready in a jiffy. Jim if you get hungry later there is plenty so don’t hesitate. We’ll be by the pool” my uncle answered before heading toward the back.I followed his wife as we climbed the wide staircase to the second floor. Part of me didn’t want to but I found my eyes drawn to Aunt Laura’s firm round backside as I followed a few steps behind her. It swayed as she walked reminding me of two kittens playing under the small, thin fabric. More than once she turned back towards.
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