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It made for the perfect level of confidence and just daring enough not to wear any panties and simple lace nude bra with my tall silver stiletto heels peaking out from under my dress. So I stepped out of the car in the parking lot, feeling suddenly shy as the chilled air billowed under my dress and blasted my hot skin, joining the line up with the rest of the students waiting to get into the dance. I swayed back and forth on my heels feeling hornier by the second knowing how sheer my dress was and anyone could catch a glimpse and know I wasnt wearing anything. Getting nervous waiting in line and looking at the hundreds of students still a head of me I started to get nervous thinking a teacher might see me and not allow me to join the dance. Slightly starting to panic I quietly slipped out of line and around the back of the school, sneaking past the teachers and into the surrounding woods. As I began to climb the side of the mountain I struggled not to trip on my dress in my heels. Maybe it was even a release after years of dialysis and surgery. He could tilt his lips up in a parody of a smile and mouth those platitudes, but he couldn’t stop looking like it was a part of him that died. In unguarded moments little bits of the truth leaked out. He should have visited more, should have encouraged Benny to stick to the doctors’ advice better, should have done something. Those shoulds engulfed him, suffocated him so much that I had trouble breathing. I just wanted to yell at him to let it out, let me help him. Let me do something. It wasn’t that simple, it never is. He had to work through it, and I just had to do what I could. There were moments when he flashed to life, the weight lifting from his shoulders and it was almost like seeing him normal again. But it was like water poured on a hot plate, a brief flash of life and energy that dissipated into some invisible state. I saw it with the old lady and him when they recalled some random tidbit about the deceased..
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