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”Me: “Okay. Yeah, I understand.”Her: “And distance, as well.”Me: “Fine. But can I ask you one last question?”Her: “Go ahead.”Me: “What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?”A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.His friends see him and ask “Hey man, what are you supposed to be?”He replies “Oh, I’m dressed as a turtle”His friend responds “A turtle? How are you supposed to be a turtle? And who is that woman on your back?”The man replies “Oh, that’s Michelle” –Thank Phoenix for the following.‎ Three men were travelling in Europe and happened to meet at a bar in London, England. One man was from the US, one from France and one from Canada. They got acquainted and started talking about their problems with their wives.The American began by saying: “I told my wife in no uncertain terms that from now on she would have to do all the cooking. Well the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third. He pushes me into the mattress, riding me so hard it feels like he’s rearranging my guts. His dick is repeatedly hitting my g-spot and I come undone yet again, he doesn’t relent though, fucking me through my orgasm which leads to me actually fucking squirting all over his mattress.“Fuuu-ucckkk.” I stutter out, barely able to form the sound. “Oh my god,” I murmur, still riding the residual waves of what was probably the best orgasm of my life. I realise distantly that Will came inside me again – probably when I squirted – and the thought makes me smirk.He slides off me and collapses on the mattress. “Shit,” he rumbles.“Yea, shit,” is all I can manage in response. My legs still twitching occasionally. I finally feel semi-normal and move to get up and collect my clothes but find I can barely walk.I hear Will chuckle from behind me.“Shut up,” I growl, dropping back onto the bed.He laughs again quietly but doesn’t say anything on the matter. “You can stay tonight,” he tells me, “It’s.
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