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I didn’t know it, yet, but Mom had some special plans for the family that day. She had committed herself to making Dad’s remaining days the best they could possibly be. Though she knew he totally approved of our passionate affair, I think she still felt some guilt about it. This was her chance to make it up to him while there was still time.We finished in the kitchen. Mom said she had some things to do in her room. I went to my room to catch up on my social media and to answer all the texts I’d gotten lately from concerned friends and family. Then I decided to play video games on my computer until Dad woke up. I was completely immersed in World of Warcraft when, at about 2:00, Mom came gliding into my room.Holy fuck! She was all done up in a completely different sexy negligee! This one was a very feminine shade of dusty rose and, dear God, it, too, dropped down erotically from her erect nipples, but this time to her knees! Again, her fingernails and toenails were painted to match.. But they say children are not responsible. So at what point did I cross the line? at what point was I “supposed to know” the right and the wrong thing, for me and for everybody else? I don’t know and I’m sure no one reading this knows either. No one ever taught me shit. I’ve learned it all on my own, the hard way. I’ve never been to Europe or the Bahamas or anywhere really and I probably never will. I am bitter. Of course my girlhood wasn’t all bad. I remember something of happiness but it reaches me through the drift of so many awful years that it’s stained and I despise the mindless happiness of myself as a child and of all children. I kept for many years the sincere belief that the world couldn’t possibly be as bad as adults kept saying it was. It turned out to be true but it’s also true that they only tell you that in order to frighten and control you and I knew this and that knowledge kept me from believing it was true. You never get rid of these thoughts you know? You have them.
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