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The man jumps at your voice. He turns to face you, and his eyes go wide.You try not to take any offense. He's probably never seen an ogre before, after all. "I'm not going to hurt you," you say slowly and clearly, in case he doesn't understand your language.He lets out a sigh of relief and his shoulders loosen. "The stories were true then," he says, "Ogres really can speak our language. I'll have to inform my superiors of this." He takes out a small notebook and pen and begins writing.You frown. "Humans do not have an exclusive right to intellect."He smiles at you. "No, not at all. But stories of ogres are always about how strong you are, that you eat people, and how you can't speak our language. I've never heard of an ogre like you before."You cross your arms over your broad chest. "The only truth to those stories is that we are strong."He nods. "Yes, yes you certainly are, but I must say I have never seen an ogre as strong as you." He holds out a hand. "I'm Ian, by the way. It's a. Can we start the bidding at $2?"Thinking it would be a different sort of pet to have, Pastor Jones called out; "2".There was an immediate response of "3".So Pastor Jones called "4"."5"."6"."7"."8"."9"."10".There was silence through-out the room ... The auctioneer quickly closed the auction and it was all done. Pastor Jones had bought himself a talking bird.As he went to pay for it he mentioned that $10 was a bit much to pay for a bird... "Are you sure it can talk?" Of course I'm sure, who do you think was bidding against you? The silly bird never learnt to count past ten or we'd still be here."So Pastor Jones, slightly put out, took the bird home and at first it was a great novelty ... BUT: it turned out the bird's previous owner was a sailor on a tramp freighter and he had taught the bird to speak with his own tendency to foul (no NOT fowl you idiots) language ... after three or four very embarrassing incidents... (Including one where a young mother who was breast-feeding her.
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