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I was sure that most of the girls that approached him would have little in common with him, and he'd realise it, get bored, and come back to me. I knew about Susheela's condition. She'd told me she wanted to make sure she could at least experience as much as possible in case it came back and she died 'without living'. She told me about her crush on Jim and... 'it seemed like a good idea at the time' — that Jim could date her, maybe even make love to her; that idea didn't really bother me. (Weird, or what?) What I didn't expect, and I should have at least considered the possibility, was that they fell in love; in a big way. I was happy for Susheela. I was even happy for Jim. I was not happy for myself. I put on a sort of 'happy indifference' — I even helped Jim plan his Christmas present outing for Su ... Oh, God...I loved him.But I loved him too much to have him just because ... I don't know, because he pitied me? Because he felt he owed me something? I wanted to be sure he loved. Weren’t. Done here. ‘Where are we?’ I ask as he helps me off the trolley. He leads me, limping, up a path and across a paved road – the rail line and the road are the frame on a wood, shielding it from the open, overgrown prairie. ‘A long way away from the city. A long long way. No one will ever look for us here,’ he says. ‘Cypress?’ He turns to me. He’s shaking – his eyes are burning, heavy with straining blood vessels as he twitches. ‘I don’t know if this is the right thing,’ he says. ‘Are they all dead?’ I ask. He shakes his head. ‘No. They drove away. Not just the old ones – Westwood vehicles too. A lot of people ran on foot. But if they weren’t out, they’re gone. He’s gone. I buried him.’ ‘Who?’ But his sticky, gritty hand cups my cheek, and he manages a weak smile. ‘I’ll explain,’ he says. ‘But let’s clean ourselves up. You for one, could use a comb through that hair. And I think I should take a look at my hair. I think I might have cut it off.’ ‘Cypress, I’m sorry.
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