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.nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A man and a woman started. More tears and more sympathy, hugs and encouragement that it was all for the best.After everyone quit crying, Patty looked over and said:"I don't know what I would have done without Jake. He taught me what it was to make love!"She smiled at me as if I were a party favor."I know, sweetie" Sandi piped in. "Jake is a woman's real best friend!"It didn't take long for this to sink in. Patty looked at her, then me, openmouthed."You mean..." then she began to laugh."This is really weird!" She shook her head. "Jake has more love for three women than that shithead had for just me."I blushed and heaved a sigh of relief. I was fully aware I had been living a codger's dream and thought it would turn to crap any given time; but evidently not yet."Honey, it's not that he LOVES us, it's that he respects us." Sandi corrected."Well Ed never respected me."Tthe lovefest broke up at about ten and I went to bed exhausted. Fighting the tides of emotion that had run through the house in the 5 hours or so.
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